There is something extra special about a firstborn child. Not only has a child been born, but a mother has been born as well and for that gift of motherhood from Colby I am forever grateful.
When I think back to 7 years ago when my fist son was placed in my arms I felt a sense of amazement. He was absolutely perfect. I could not believe this little boy was mine! Though my pregnancy is something that sometimes I would like to forget, you would have never met a prouder mother.
I was 18 when I had Colby-practically a baby myself! :) And though he was not planned and though I faced much criticism, I was determined to be the best mother I could be. Colby and I moved out on our own when he was just 3 months old into a tiny studio apartment. It wasn't much but it was enough for us. I promised myself that I would only work the bare minimum of what was required of me to be able to pay what bills we had and still have some money for groceries and other living expenses. It was a simple life and one I often miss.
We had no cable, and for a while we didn't even have a phone, let alone a cell phone! We didn't even have a TV to watch movies! But I never felt that we lacked anything. I spent ALL of my free time with Colby and he came with me everywhere. We were the best of friends.
I remember the first time that I actually felt like a "mother". It's so silly, but when he was a little over 2 weeks old I went to the grocery store to pick up some items we needed and I spent all the extra money I had there (it wasn't much!) on a little book that had a baby on the cover that reminded me of Colby. It was called "I love you as much" and to this day, 7 years later, it still sits on his bookshelf.
I met Billy, who IS Colby's dad, though he is not "biologically" when Colby was 4 months old. I was not looking to date around or date anyone, I was content on just being the best mom I could be. But slowly and steadily Billy won me over by his love and devotion to sweet little Colby. He treated him as his son from day one and there are still sometimes to this day that I forget that Colby and Billy are not genetically connected.
Colby Bryce. I love you with all my heart. You are such a sweet and thoughtful child. You say the funniest things. Today you said, "Mom. At first when I woke up today I thought 'school on my birthday'? And I wasn't excited. But then in PE, I shot so many hoops, I really did feel like a birthday boy!".
I get choked up just thinking about having him and everything that surrounded that. Of course teenage, unwed pregnancy is by far nothing I would promote or recommend, the hurtful words that were said to me and about me from "friends" and family, I can still remember like yesterday. If only people could truly embrace the idea of loving that God has called us to. I already knew I was wrong. I already knew I had sinned. And I thank God that I had the courage to face the judgement of others and give my son LIFE instead of opting for an abortion. I think because I was made to feel so bad during my pregnancy is why I have a love and passion for CELEBRATING babies no matter the circumstance into which they are born. They are new life. I really wish no mother ever feels the way I felt when I pregnant. I am glad the second I saw my son that I realized none of that gossip mattered.
What others wanted me to feel ashamed for ended up being the best thing to ever happen to me.
Happy Birthday son. I will always be your best friend.
*on a separate note, I did want to say that there are a couple people who loved on me during my pregnancy and I just wanted to note that...Katie Joyner (Smith), Grant Joyner, and my sister Tabitha. Thank you for lightening my burden during that time!
