Saturday, April 17, 2010

What I Would Tell Them (if I knew what to say)



You are a miracle.
And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.
You’ll forget all this when you grow up.
But it’s okay.
Being a mother means having your heart broken.
And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.
And it’s the best there is.
And also, sometimes, the worst.
Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.
Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.
But you must remember this: What you’re doing matters.
And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.
And nurturing the good in this world is nothing short of a privilege.
That’s why I have to love you this way.
So I can give what I have to you.
So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.
I have watched you sleep.
I’ve kissed you a million times.
And I know something that you don’t, yet:
You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.
And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.

*Three times this last week Colby's teacher wrote that he was having a hard time concentrating at school. 3x. At first I thought he just had an "off" day and he told me he was just tired. But after her third note I decided that it just had to be something more. So today we had a talk. At first he didn't say much, but slowly tears came down his sweet little face as he told me that there was two boys at school who weren't very nice to him. In fact, they have been down right mean. And it broke my heart to see my beautiful baby boy growing up and experiencing that kind of hurt. I'm sure these children don't understand the depth of their actions and I know kids can just be mean sometimes and that doesn't make them "bad" children. But at the same time it really broke my heart to see my son hurting to be picked last or told to go play something else because they don't want him on their "team". Or to be shoved as they jog their laps in PE.

So I hugged him. And I told him it was OK. And I told him that not everyone will always like us. But all we can be is who we are. I reminded him that Jesus was not very popular with many people in His time here on Earth, but even as He was mocked and murdered He continued to show love. And so I told Colby to keep being himself. And to keep being friendly. Even when they tell him there's no room for him to play. I told him to not worry about those 2 boys and to focus on the 25 other friendly children in his class. Oh Colby...I called his teacher and I didn't mention the boys' names but when I said there were two boys she said, "Was it ___ and ___?" I kind of wish if she had noticed something earlier she would have said something but I'm guessing she must not have realized that it was affecting Colby so much.

So I was having a hard time getting to sleep and I remembered reading those words above on this blog. And it said all the things I didn't say to him but definitely felt in my heart.

4 comments:

Glenn, Jen, & Makayla Stinson said...

Those words are amazingly beautiful!! Such the heart of a mother.
I will be praying for Colby that his sweet heart will be protected and he will learn to live God's desires. He is blessed to have you and Billy as parents to guide, protect and advise him. I'm praying for you two!!

Jacklyn and the Johnson Boys said...

You have me in tears Tiffany! You always handle things whith such grace and kindheartedness, you are such a wise woman! I admire you very much. Your sweet Colby is so lucky to have you guide him through this so perfectly!

andrea said...

This made me cry Tiffany. I'm so sorry you are going through this with Colby. You handled it so well and with so much grace. He is blessed to have a mommy like you to help him through things like this.

politicartoon said...

I am so fortunate to be married to such a loving and caring Mother. I love you so much.